REALITY....fiuh...

tis is a farking emo post after months time....not any post wif pic....(but at least this is how i feel rite now)...it's going to be long post...

Well,it has been more than a week time that I don't do any revision/study/doing any tutorial work...
U guys will think just 1 week only ma....
but I keep on piling up the works and assignments and so reluctant to do them all...
I get damn low mark for all reports and assignments...
I lost track on the studies...
All because I keep on recalling back to the time when i was still at Malaysia...more specifically KL...
generally...I dont really miss my hometown(xcept hometown frenz) cz the life at there is farking dull...
i have been dreaming almost everyday at here and dream almost everyone I knew well at KL..
*trust me*

Life at Manchester is great....
Having friendly but sometimes very irratating floorm8s,
Having to know classmates from Hong Kong,China and Malaysia
Having friends who came along wif me to study at Manchester,David and Pou Yang
Having cousin at here too...who can help me also...
and also Sean and Melissa who treat me very well at here...*i owe u guys...haha*
but somehow....it still lacks of something...
think it is due to that i do everything alone and it is just for me...
maybe also the food and also nightlife at KL gua..
BUT STILL....i hate to be alone...seriously....

It has been
4 months since college-life end....
3 months since I officially leaving KL city...
almost 2 months time since I didn't meet up wif anyone from KL...
and 6 weeks since I been at Manchester...

Well....tons of people said taylors sucks like shit....
but for me...except the needs to study for A-lvl....it is cool 1 n half year life....
studying at Taylors is much better than at UK...
at least...i can spend a lots of money on clothes,entertainment and foods when I was still at KL...
at Manchester,I have to keep on reminding me not to spend overlimit....
in which the limit has forced me to eat most of my meals including lunch and dinner at my hostel...and cooked by myself...
I cant do shopping as usual....(I don't even buy any clothes at here yet!!!)
I cant spend money on watching movie in cinema....
I cant eat sushi whenever I want(I damn miss Zanmai Sushi arghhh!!!)
I don't really like the lifestyle at UK...(I am not a pub/club-goer also)
well,according to Daniel....
im like a 干物男 which mean I prefer to stay in room,stare at pc and kind sort of things...

I try to be myself at here....doing the things I like....
but it's hard!!!
I still cant find friends who can understand me and my lifestyle...
it seems that there are things that restricting me from doing that...(not just money)...
I hate to convert money back to RM ...
I cant state out the reason properly..
but surely not because it will make everything looks expensive...

Frankly speaking....I think I just get tortured at here....mostly mentally..

Everytime my parents ask me how is it life at here?....am I able to catch up lesson?....am I used to the life and weather here already?..
all I respond is 'yeah....great....no problem at here'...
I don't want them to worry about me much at here...
but in fact Im struggling at here...
I cant speak properly with guai lor....
I really wonder what the use I learn English for....
I hate to be in the same group wif them too because they always ignore my opinions whereas theirs are not constructive at all...and famously....like to WASTE BLARDY TIME....
Sometimes,I really cant understand what the lecturers talking about....
and sometimes the lectures are freaking boring especially....Aircraft Flight...
I always sleep in the lectures....especially those more than an hour lecture...
I cant find anyone who can help me in study like in A-level...

Isit because I never get myself 'ready' before stepping down to this foreign land....?
I always thinking back time at KL...
I really can't 'let' it go....
No matter how much I realise that I did appreciate the moment when I was at KL especially for the last week and also when I went back to KL before coming to UK....
but I tend to hope that the time can really re-wind back....

Lately,I have been talking on phone with Daniel almost everyday....
well...primarily because I running away from the reality....
I still cant accept the fact the I am at UK for more than a month already...
and because he's the only one whom I can manage to contact....
And he is willing to chat rubbish also...haha....
sorry dailor....cz i damn seldom talk rubbish at Manchester wif anyone....haha
Somemore...his course is almost similar to mine so he can understand what I am saying when it comes to study...

When I came here....
I faced a problem which I promised not to discuss further with anyone except thoese who already know...
This makes me more easier to get emo...and so moody for whole day...
Since this happen....it shows that I lagi cannont become independent and keep on relying on others support...
I admit...i shame of it......SERIOUSLY...

Whenever I listen to the songs which I listened to when I was at KL especially in Geoffrey's car,it pulls me back to the time when me,Daniel,David and Geoffrey hang out together...
Well,it pretty torture me since I listen to my i-Pod damn frequent...
no matter how I shuffled my songs....within the 1st 10 songs,it surely hit 1 song in which I listened frequently to at KL...
wth....

Since last Sunday onwards,the time different between M'sia and UK is 8hour already...
by the time everyone going to sleep....I just finish my class at Manchester...
oh yeah....my class usually start at 9am and end up at 5pm almost everyday...
and the timetable is getting more and more pack due to extra classes and lab sessions on the coming weeks...

No matter what....I am the one who had chosen to come over here for the study....and I proud I manage to get into the course I like....Aerospace Engineering...
yet...i knew i will still get emo for it....


I have an assignment which needed to be submitted later in the morning and now already 12.30am....
I even haven't start yet...fark it...